While surfing the Internet last night/today in the morning I came upon a very startling information. I was so startled that I actually had to close my laptop and go stick my head in yarn for a while. You know, just to breathe in some yarn fumes and get my heart rate under control.
There has been a marked increase in incidence of SABLE (stash acquisition beyond life expectancy)of different severity all across the world. This is becoming the new pandemic and UN is considering contacting extraterrestrials for definite cure. UNESCO has declared several yarn shops sites of special cultural interest and has called to knitters and crocheters to cease hostilities while there. Unfortunately, the precise status of rug hookers remains undecided and we are waiting with baited breath for final decision while they are waiting anxiously on the various corners.
What you need to know about SABLE
One of the earliest signs of SABLE is a spontaneous wish to pet OPY (other people yarn). Even when it is made into FOs (finished objects) the victim of SABLE will find the reason to handle the yarn in question. If recognized at this stage SABLE can be easily managed by making swatches from different textured yarns and always having them with you in case of a sudden craving. Then an individual infected by SABLE might notice a subtle alteration in the pattern of daily living. For instance, they will find themselves planning vacations and even daily outings around various Yarn Pushers – a.k.a. LYS (local yarn stores).
As yarn begins to pile up the hiding spaces has to be found to deceive nearest and dearest. All furniture is bought with making a heaven for the illicit stash. In some cases yarn is despised as insulation or hidden in the freezer. One way to avoid the shame of discovery is to infect the spouse, children and parents (this so far has been my solution of the growing stash. It has been so successful that I went on to infect friends and neighbours.
Next stage is the insidious yarn accumulation. Insidious because the sufferer does not realize how much yarn has been “put by…”. At this point the sufferer is not even surprised anymore by discovery of a box or two of yarn one does not even remember buying. At this point the case becomes pretty hopeless and the cure is impossible.
As the number of victims grows across the world leading pharmaceutical companies continue seeking a reliable vaccine to halt the spread of this disease. Unfortunately, most of those affected say that they will refuse to be vaccinated. The ethical problems posed by the dilemma of forcible vaccinations is yet to be decided by the world leading legal authorities.
As a late breaking news the White House has called for a halt to the SABLE madness “before all sheep across America has been forcibly denuded”…
HAPPY APRIL 1ST, MY FRIENDS!!!