All past week I have been simply too tired to blog. From time to time I picked up my Notebook hoping to write something meaningful, or interesting, or at least funny… But my thoughts kept scattering like sheep and I could not get them together.
I think yesterday was the worst. I felt exploited by all these people (read kids), who keep wanting things all the time. There seemed no end to wants, but what do they do for me after all… I was indignant and angry. And I told them so. Of course this did not yield any positive results. All I got was a feeling of shame. What kind of Mother I am if I can not make even my 4 year-old to mind me. This made me even more ashamed of myself and more angry.
The last drop came last night, when I was getting ready to teach a class. In front of three other women my teenager started haranguing me about the condition of her sister’s briefcase. It was dirty! It was smelly! It was disgusting! How can I let her go around with a thing like that! I should wash it immediately! This was simply too much!
Thank G-d there were strangers present.So I could not very well told her what I really was itching to say. I just kept repeating time after time that it was late and she needed to go to bed.
Then I thought that if I can stay calm with a provocation like that, then maybe I can stay calm and quiet in the morning, no matter what the kids will say or do. No matter how many times I would have to tell them to get up, or put on shoes, or….
And I was calm and pleasant. Possibly because I was simply too tired to yell and threaten.
Even when my teenager complained of maternal incompetence, even when another kid demanded things I did not have, even when my 4 year-old told me that she forgot how to dress herself.
I stayed calm and said only nice things. It does not mean I gave them all they wanted, no. Instead, if I had to say no, I was nice but firm about it.
The result – everyone left on time and no one cried.
Thank G-d for exhaustion!
Now if only I could convince my toddler that what she really wants at nine in the morning is to go to sleep…